Payday Loans

My sister, Grace, recently started her first career job after graduating from college last spring. She worked really hard in college and interviewing for her new job. As with most college graduates, she is tight on cash flow and need some help until she starts getting her paycheck from her new job on a regular basis. I confessed to her that we also had some cash flow problems this year when my hubby changed jobs. We used a website called ivctricounty.org to help us with our cash flow problem. This is where we get an online payday loan quick and easy whenever we need some extra cash to pay for bills or other unexpected expenses. Grace said they have rent due this week and need some help fast. That’s why I told her to visit this website to get an online payday loan soon enough to help her pay for her rent since she won’t get paid for a couple of weeks. This was a big relief for her because she didn’t have any other options to turn to for extra cash. In today’s volatile economy, more and more people are turning to payday loans for temporary financial assistance. A payday loan is a small, short-term loan that is intended to cover a borrower’s expenses until his or her next payday.I suggest this online payday loan option to anyone I know that needs help with their cash flow. This website gives us piece of mind that we have a reliable place to go to help us when we are short on money to pay for our financial obligations. Due to the prolonged recession we have been in for over two years, this website is a popular option for people that need a quick and reliable way to get help with their cash flow.

The Sandwiches

There was an Englishman,an Irishman and Scotchman siting on the edge of a cliff having a picnic.The Scotchman says "Oh god I've got ham in my sandwiches again, if i get ham tomorrow I'll jump off this cliff".
So the Englishman looks in his sandwiches and says "Oh I've got beef in my sandwiches again,if get beef again I'll jump with ya Scottish man."
So the Irishman looks in his sandwiches and says "Oh I've got bloody tuna in my sandwiches again,if i get tuna again I'll join you two guys".
So the next day they all meet at the cliff and check their sandwiches."Oh shit,"says the Scottish,"I've got ham!". So he jumps off the cliff.
"Oh bugger,"says the Englishman,"I've got beef again!".So he jumps off the cliff.
The Irishman looks in his sandwiches and says"Bollocks! I've got tuna again!". So he jumps off too.

At the funeral the wife's meet up crying. The English wife says"I only made him beef because i thought he liked it".
And the Scottish wife says"Same here only made ham because i thought he liked it".
Then the Irish wife says"Its not my fault he makes his own sandwiches!".

Help with Debt

My hubby told me his brother, Doug, is recovering well from his major back surgery, but he won’t be able to go back to work for a couple of months. Doug is an outside salesperson that works on full commission. So, he needed help with his credit card debt and had some questions about IVA information as well.

My hubby told Doug to visit a website called justclearmydebts.com to find how to properly structure a Debt Management Plan to improve his financial situation. This website offers Free Debt Advice that can be a very good place to get started for people that need help with their Debt.

A guy went to visit

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After he determined that his friend would survive and eventually recover, he wanted to know what happened to his friend. Before he could ask, he heard his friend say "Talk dirty to Dr. Laura and she will take you out!" Wow! he thought, an opportunity to go out with Dr. Laura, my friend can wait, if I rush I can catch her at her book signing at the mall.

He got her latest book "Ten Thousand Stupid Things They Thought No One Could Possibly Do - And They Were Wrong", waited in the signing line and met Dr. Laura. "Let me speak softly in your ear Dr. Laura, I have something private to say to you", he said. Then he spoke so dirty, he even shocked him self. "What did you say" asked Dr. Laura, thinking she could not have heard what she thought she heard. He repeated it for her.

After a while the paramedics wheeled him into the hospital room next to his friend. He yelled to his friend, "Its your fault I'm in here, you said if I talked dirty to Dr. Laura, she would give me a date". "Oh no" said his friend "she has a double super black belt in karate. I was warning you about what happened to me. I tried to talk dirty to her and she used that karate and took me out good fashion."

Phentermine

Phentermine is one of the most commonly prescribed prescription appetite suppressants out on the market today. Phentermine will suppress your appetite by changing brain levels of serotonin.
Phentermine is a safe and reliable prescription medication for weight loss. While I was browsing on the internet, I found this website called princesseecossaise.com. It’s refreshing to read about the specific reasons why it’s so effective and how to buy phentermine them. There are a lot of products on the market that make a lot of promises and claims to help people lose weight fast. I’m so glad I found this great website. Also, they have real testimonials from actual customers that explain why they think this is the best diet pill they have ever used. Most of them over promise and under deliver. This is a very easy to understand and user friendly website that explains how and why these diet products are so effective. Buy Phentermine now to begin a more healthy lifestyle. Don’t go with a new diet pill that doesn’t have the scientific facts and testimonials to back it up like this one does. Look to an established product that is effective and one of the best selling diet pills available today. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy phentermine, visit this website and see how they can help you loss weight.

Harassing Parrot

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're
really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.

On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more
said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went
into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The
store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot
didn't say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey,
lady!" it said.

"Yes?"

"You know."

Online roulette

My hubby said I should find somewhere to play online roulette since there are some really great places to play on the internet. I did some searching on the internet and found a really helpful website called roytoys.net that was exactly what I was looking for. One of the best things for me is that I can play for only a couple of minutes or sit down and play a long session, whatever my time allows. My favorite game to play at the casinos was the roulette, because it was very relaxing for me and really fun when I won a jackpot. We have some casinos just outside of Denver that we used to go to and have fun on the weekends. But, we can’t go there much anymore and I miss playing those games. I told my hubby recently that I need to find something to do at home when I have some spare time. He asked me what kind of thing would be fun and relaxing for me. After I thought about it for a while, I said that I missed going to the casinos since our daughter, Rachel, was born over three years ago. This is where they list many popular online casinos, give reviews on each and show what bonuses are available at each one. After checking out these reviews, I found a couple of places to play online roulette that was a real blast to play. Online Roulette have proven over and over that a machine can create hours of entertainment while leaving no room for errors. We like knowing detailed info about an casino games online roulette before we visit the website for the first time. It’s fun for us to play after our daughter goes to bed or is at a friends house playing. It was so much fun that I wished I would have thought of this fun way to relax at home sooner. So if you or someone you know is looking to play online roulette, check out this website and see if you like it as much as we do. They have been looking to find great website to play online casino. I'll bet she will be happy about it. Anyone that loves casino games like I do should check out this website to see how easy it is to join the fun. I can't wait to tell my friend about what this website has to offer.

Costume Party

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life."

Purses

Are you or someone you know is looking to buy designer handbags and purses? Then you should visit this website called zappos.com. They have a wide selection of purses to choose from. Their selection includes Salvaatore Ferragamo, Juicy Couture, Dooney & Bourke, Fossil, Lucky Brand and a lot more.

They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. When you visit their website, you can choose any style, size and color you want at very affordable prices. I can't wait to tell my friends about what this website has to offer. So, check this out and see their great selection of purses to choose from.

Married Couple

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven.

St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. "Let me go find out." and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months...and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?"

St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking some what bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."

"Great,"said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?", asked the frightened couple.

"COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?"

Online slots

I told my hubby recently that I need to find something to do at home when I have some spare time. He asked me what kind of thing would be fun and relaxing for me. After I thought about it for a while, I said that I missed going to the casinos since our daughter, Rachel, was born over three years ago. We have some casinos just outside of Denver that we used to go to and have fun on the weekends. But, we can’t go there much anymore and I miss playing those games. My favorite game to play at the casinos was the slot machines, because it was very relaxing for me and really fun when I won a jackpot. My hubby said I should find somewhere to play slots online since there are some really great places to play on the internet. I did some searching on the internet and found a really helpful website called ghidpc.com that was exactly what I was looking for. This is where they list many popular online casinos, give reviews on each and show what bonuses are available at each one. After checking out these reviews, I found a couple of places to play slot machines online that was a real blast to play. One of the best things for me is that I can play for only a couple of minutes or sit down and play a long session, whatever my time allows. Anyone that loves casino games like I do should check out this website to see how easy it is to join the fun. I can't wait to tell my friend about what this website has to offer. They have been looking to find great website to play online casino. I'll bet she will be happy about it. So if you or someone you know is looking to play online slot machines, check out this website and see if you like it as much as we do.

Texas Justice

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."

The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! now, it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give up, you can have the duck.

Popular destination

One place my hubby and I want to go on vacation is to Australia. The next time we visit my family in the Philippines, we are planning to visit there. He told me about a great website called pocruises.com.au that has some great options. These options for Australian holidays look like they would be a great time for our whole family.

They offer very competitive prices and great customer service. I remember talking to one of my friends online. They have been planning to take a trip this winter and this would be a great place for them to check out. So if you or someone you know is looking planning a trip, check out this website and you'll be happy you did.

Fallen

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen." >From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen." This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!" The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week!"

Restaurant Website Design

It's important to have a website that competes, communicates and markets effectively to your customers and prospects. While I was browsing on the internet, I found this great website called bistrolink.com. This website design, build, market and maintain websites, Restaurant Social Media Marketing, SEO for Restaurants and graphic design.

They truly love the web and have a genuine passion, enthusiasm and knowledge for what they do. They specializing in custom web design and offer very competitive prices. Their websites are custom designed to fit your firm's marketing needs. To learn more about the Statistics and Information, check out this website and see how they can help you.

Smart Blonde

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Online slots

Well, after thinking about different things I enjoy doing, I told my hubby one thing I miss is going to the casino and playing different games. This was especially true with my favorite game, slots. My hubby told me I should try to find something to do in my spare time that is fun and relaxing. Since our daughter, Rachel, was born almost three years ago, I’ve been so busy that I don’t take time out for myself often enough. For me, the more I understand about the differences between games makes it easier to find the best games for me to play and better understand how the games work. We both realized that a good option for me would be to play casino games slots at home in my spare time. I found a website on the internet that lists the most popular places to play on the internet. They list the different bonuses that are offered, the payout rate and a rating for each casino games slots shown on their website. We always wondered how to get a bonus when you sign up for a new website to play slots and other games online. If you want to learn how to play slots and be a responsible gambling, check out this website and see how they can help you. Slots have proven over and over that a machine can create hours of entertainment while leaving no room for errors. We like knowing detailed info about an casino games slots before we visit the website for the first time. It’s fun for us to play after our daughter goes to bed or is at a friends house playing. It was so much fun that I wished I would have thought of this fun way to relax at home sooner. This is where we found some great places that have casino games slots machines that we have a blast playing. Before learning about the different types of slots I just played and never really thought about which type of slots to play. It’s real fun and convenient to be able to play some really fun online games whenever I want. This made it so much easier to find the best place for me to play slots online. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to get started and in minutes I saw the slots. So, check this out and have fun playing slots with your loved one.

Jamaican Baby

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical
Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
pains.

Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say,
you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."

The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20
pounds at birth?"

The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
said, "Had him circumcised."

Help with Math

My cousin is in her second year of college and is taking a pretty hard math class. She said that if she had some better tools available to her, she could do better in the class. I told her about a website I use called tutorvista.com. This is where anyone can get specific tools such as a probability calculator and assistance with equivalent fractions, prime factorization, line plot, linear programming and Isosceles triangle problems.

I really like the bar graph feature they have that helps me with some of my projects for work. Anyone that wants to make math easier with better tools should visit this website to see why I would recommend it to anyone I know.

You are not in the book

Three preachers and their wives were killed in a car accident, upon their arrival at the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter. The first preacher walked up and said" Hello St. Peter, I'm ready to come in". St. Peter checked his list and said" I'm sorry your name is not in the book." "What!" exclaimed the preacher," I have been a preacher for thirty years!" "Yes" replied St. Peter,"However,you are guilty of gluttony, you loved food and sweets so much you even married a woman named Candy." The pastor,defeated took his wife's hand and walked away.
The next preacher came up to the St. feeling pretty certain he would be allowed in. "I'm ready to come in St. Peter" he said with a smile."I'm sorry, your name is not in the book." "How can that be?" asked the preacher, "I have been a pastor for 20 years!" You are guilty of the sin of greed, you loved money so much, you married a woman named Penny." Defeated, the preacher took his wife's hand and walked away. The last preacher, certain of the out-come, turned to his wife and said, "Come on Fanny, I'm not getting' in."

Where to get tickets

My hubby is planning a trip next year with his Dad and are planning on attending some sporting events in different parts of the country. Luckily, my hubby found one website called ticketamerica.com that can help him with many events in various stadiums and venues. Some of the places they are considering visiting are the AT & T Center, Conseco Fieldhouse, Izod Center, Tropicana Field and Camden Yards in downtown Baltimore.

This website will make it much easier to figure out which games at these different places will meet their travel schedule. He is even more excited about this trip now because they will have so many different sporting everts to choose from on the same website.

Rude Bus Driver

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby."

The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asks "What's wrong you look mad?"

She replied "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him." the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him.

"You're right sir I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

Great place to have fun

This afternoon while I was browsing on the internet, I found this great website called bestonlinecasino.org. We miss the fun and relaxing time together that we shared when we played up to Blackhawk. Since our daughter was born over a year ago, we haven’t been up to play the slots at all. This website is a great resource for information if you are looking for online gaming for the first time or if you are one of the millions already playing worldwide. So if you or someone you know wants to learn more about best casino game, check out this website and have fun playing.

Christmas Story for people having a bad day....

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces a ll over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Online casino games

My hubby told me about a website called aconservativevoicetoday, that lists some really great online casinos and list very helpful information about each of them. This website lists the bonus offers available and has very impressive detailed reviews that include screen shots the specifics on the games found on each respective online casino games website. My hubby and I have won some pretty nice jackpots by playing slot games online as several different casino websites. I play the slots most of the time and my hubby play other types of games that he usually plays in the real casinos. For me, the more I understand about the differences between games makes it easier to find the best games for me to play and better understand how the games work. We like knowing detailed info about an online casino before we visit the website for the first time. It’s fun for us to play after our daughter goes to bed or is at a friends house playing. We always wondered how to get a bonus when you sign up for a new website to play slots and other games online. This is where we found some great places that have casino games slot machines that we have a blast playing. Before learning about the different types of slots I just played and never really thought about which type of slots to play. It makes it easier to find the best places for us to play and saves us time from searching around not finding what we really want. There are other games we play too, which is one of the great parts of having so many different places to play. This website really helped me better understand the different types of online casino games such as Slots, Keno, Bingo, Lotto, poker, blackjack and among many other types. I really like playing different casino games whether it’s in an actual casino or on the internet. It’s real fun and convenient to be able to play some really fun slot games whenever I want. Slot machines have proven over and over that a machine can create hours of entertainment while leaving no room for errors. It is no wonder that the slot machine is gaining in popularity, it is fast, convenient and there is no need for face to face contact with another person. I have told many of my friends and relative about this website to give them a jump start in finding the best places to play casino games on the internet.

Cat Competition

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "Tsquare, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

Web hosting

My sister is asking me about web hosting lately. While I was surfing on the internet, I found this great website called superb.net. I remember one of my friends told me about this website. This is where she was able to get help with colocation and other related issues.

They delivers powerful dedicated servers, convenient server management tools and all on their professional IT infrastructure and super network backbone. This website has experts that have a wealth of managed hosting experience that they use to help their customers. .

A Little Gas

While walking in the convent a priest passed one of the nuns and noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight, are we Sister Angela?" he asked. "No, Father," Sister Angela said, "It's just a little gas."

A month or two later, the priest noticed that she had gained yet more weight. "Gaining some weight, are we Sister Angela?" asked the priest. "No, Father, just a little gas," she again replied.

A couple of months later, the priest noticed Sister Angela pushing a baby carriage through the convent. Approaching her, he leaned over, looked in the carriage and said, "My, what a cute little fart!"

Funny tshirts

A friend of mine is looking to buy some funny tshirts to give away this Christmas. She asked if I knew of a good place where she can buy attractive and affordable mens clothing. While I was browsing on the internet, I found this great website called nerdyshirts.com. This website offers a wide variety of funny tshirts to choose from.

They offer high quality apparel options that work great for customized t shirt designs. You will always get a great value with extraordinary apparel and prints at nerdyshirts. It is fun and easy to design your custom t-shirts for any event or for someone special. So, check this out and you’ll be happy you did.

Honesty Game

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.

''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''

''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''

''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

Ecommerce software

My sister makes unique and beautiful looking candles and wants to start selling them on the internet. She doesn’t know anything about how to start a website and use shopping cart software that allows her customers to order her products. I asked my hubby what she should do and he suggested that she visit a website called bigcommerce.com. This is where she can quickly learn about ecommerce hosting and how to use these tools to sell her products in an efficient and profitable way. She downloaded their free shopping cart guide to learn how things work and the best way to take advantage of these valuable tools. Learning how to use these tools to sell online has given her confidence that she can do more on her own than she thought she could otherwise. Having software that is designed for what she wants to do will simplify and will take less time for her to get started. This website has information for new people looking to sell their products on the internet for the first time and for more experienced people that may already be using other types of software. I was happy that my friend was interested in using this website to get her online business started before the Christmas season that is coming up fast.

Gorilla on the Run

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time later, a man calls the zoo complaining of a gorilla in a tree in his back yard. The zoo keeper rushes right over. When he arrives, he has a net, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a Dachshund.

The man asks what the items are for. He's told, "I'm gonna climb the tree and hit the gorilla in the head with the baseball bat. When he falls out of the tree, you throw the net over him, and the Dachshund will go straight for his balls." The man asks, "But what's the shotgun for?"

The zoo keeper answers, "If I miss the gorilla and fall out of the tree, you shoot the Dachshund."

The new smell in town

My hubby likes to use a lot of incense to cover up the smell after I cook fish in the house. Of course, I think it smells great after I cook fish, but my hubby won’t even walk near the kitchen if he smells fish at all. I understand because he is not used to the strong smell and I grew up smelling it just about everyday. We have been using incense we buy at our local retail stores that are ok I guess, but didn’t smell as good as what my friends was using the other day when I visited her while she was cooking. Her hubby is just like my hubby when it comes to the strong fish smell, except he uses a special K2 incense. They told us about a website called thek2incense.com that explained to us the importance to Buy k2 Incense that is the original. They offer very competitive prices and great customer service. Their selection of K2 incense includes avalance incense, ultra incense, summit incense, blonde incense, standard incense, sex incense, blue incense, citron incense, pineapple incense, melon and strawberry incense. They know that the way to be a successful company is by providing customers with the best customer service and making sure that all of their needs are met. They were using the k2 incense ultra that was one of the best aromas we have ever experienced. We have heard about K2 in the news and read about it some on the internet, but never realized why it’s such a unique product until we enjoyed it first hand, or first nose (ha ha), ourselves. We ordered some for us and will be using this as our new incense when I cook fish at home or just want a fresh and pleasant scent in our house. My hubby told his brother about it because they have several dogs and their house needs some help to make it smell more pleasant. So, we bought them some for a Christmas present since they were very curious to try it out themselves. I can see why a lot of different people would like to use incense in their own home, whether it’s to replace in unpleasant odor or to simply make the place smell better. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy K2 incense, check out this website and see how they can help you.

Worm

Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came.

"If you can get that worm back in that hole I'll give you ten dollars," said Josh.

His grandson sat and thought for a moment, then rushed into the house. A few minutes later he returned with his mother's hair spray. He picked up the worm by one end and, as he let it hang down, he sprayed it all over with the hair spray. The spray set and the worm became stiff and hard. It was now easy to push the worm back in the hole. Josh was amazed. He gave the boy ten dollars, picked up the hair spray and went indoors.

About an hour later Josh came back into the garden and gave his grand-son another ten dollars.

"But grandpa," said the boy, "you've already given me the ten dollars you promised."

"That's from your grandma," said Josh.

He wants to lose weight

My hubby severely broke his leg about three years ago and just hasn’t been very active since. He can’t run anymore and hasn’t gone skiing since before his accident. Because of this, he has gained over forty pounds and really wants to find a simple and effective way to lose some weight. I told him about a website HCG Diet a couple of months ago. She said the HCG program has been great for her. She has lost a noticeable amount of weight since then and feels better than she has in a long time. My hubby said he was going to try out this program because it has worked so well for my Nancy.

Insomniacs

A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.

The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.

Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.

A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn.

This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.

Mailboxes

My in-laws are planning to replace their old mailbox. Their been to several stores already but couldn’t find what they wanted. While I was surfing on the internet, I found this great website called mailboxandbeyond.com. This site offers a wide variety of mailboxes to choose from. Their selection includes residential mailboxes, whitehall mailboxes, mailbox posts and address plaques.

Their been in the business for years providing great customer service. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. I can’t wait to tell my in-laws about what this website has to offer. So, check this out and you’ll be happy you did.

Bronze Statue

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."

Help for Small Business

My hubby’s brother owns a small business and has a great opportunity to grow and expand. The main problem he has with the expansion plans is getting the capital he needs. My hubby told him about a website called businessgrants.org. This is where small business grants are available for those who qualify. These businesses have been struggling with the prolonged economic recession and have had difficulty getting loans from their creditors and other financial institutions.

This is a welcome solution for many small businesses that need financial assistance that is very difficult if not impossible to attain elsewhere. My hubby’s brother was very interested and said there is a good chance this is solution he has been looking for.

Lawyers Are Full Of Bull

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."

Blinds

A friend of mine is planning to replace her blinds. While I was surfing on the internet, I found this great place that has a wide variety blinds to choose from. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. So, check this out and you'll be happy you did.

Christmas Scottish Divorce

A man in Scotland calls his son in Edinburgh the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; thirty years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you can call your sister in Aberdeen and tell her "

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."

She calls home immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

Kindergarden Class

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Wasserstrom restaurant supplies

Are you or someone you know is looking to buy restaurant equipment? Look no further, at wasserstrom.com, they offer a wide variety of restaurant supply and restaurant equipment to choose from. When you shop at wasserstrom restaurant supplies, you’ll find great selection of professional chefs, professional cookware and chain restaurant supplies at very affordable prices.

If you can't find what you're looking for or you just need a little more information about a product before you make a purchase, call one of their knowledgeable sales staff for help. Their dedicated to making sure all their customers are confident they're getting the restaurant equipment and restaurant supplies they want at unbeatable prices and great customer service.

Adams Rib

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'

Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'