Are you or someone you know is planning a trip this summer? Then visit this website called http://www.grandeshores.com. This website offers Myrtle Beach vacation deals in one of the Myrtle Beach hotel that is great value for your money. Since me and hubby are planning a trip this summer I told him to check out one of the Myrtle Beach hotel.
They provides convenient access to area attractions, amusement parks, water parks, entertainment complexes, family-friendly restaurants, trendy nightlife and live entertainment venues. If you or someone you know is planning a trip this summer, check out this website and have a fun trip with your family.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Bad News
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Spenser there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Spenser passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Can anyone else help you?".
The man paused for a moment, then quietly said, "no" and hung up. Ten minutes later, he called again and asked for Mr. Spenser, his ex-wife's lawyer. The receptionist said, "You just called a few minutes ago, didn't you? Mr. Spenser has died. I'm not making this up."
The man again hung up.
Fifteen minutes later, he called a third time and asked for Mr. Spenser. The receptionist was irked by this time. "I've told you twice already, Mr. Spenser is dead. He is not here! Why do you keep asking for him when I say he's dead? Don't you understand what I'm saying?"
The man replied, "I understand you perfectly. I just like hearing you say it over and over."
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Spenser passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Can anyone else help you?".
The man paused for a moment, then quietly said, "no" and hung up. Ten minutes later, he called again and asked for Mr. Spenser, his ex-wife's lawyer. The receptionist said, "You just called a few minutes ago, didn't you? Mr. Spenser has died. I'm not making this up."
The man again hung up.
Fifteen minutes later, he called a third time and asked for Mr. Spenser. The receptionist was irked by this time. "I've told you twice already, Mr. Spenser is dead. He is not here! Why do you keep asking for him when I say he's dead? Don't you understand what I'm saying?"
The man replied, "I understand you perfectly. I just like hearing you say it over and over."
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Web hosting
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Take some time to read their articles and get a better understanding of things such as how to setup a website to what different types of web hosting there are on the market. To learn about web hosting, check out this website and see how they can help you.
Take some time to read their articles and get a better understanding of things such as how to setup a website to what different types of web hosting there are on the market. To learn about web hosting, check out this website and see how they can help you.
Elderly Patient
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
My favorite talk show
My favorite talk show.
Thanks for the post from Heriberto Sanders
One of my favorite talk shows to watch on satellite TV is the show Real Time with Bill Maher. Speaking of which I need to do a cable tv comparison to see if I'm paying too much for my satellite tv service.The comedian Bill Maher offers his funny view on political events that are currently in the news. He has different guest panelists every week.
His views on politics and current events are often funny yet simple. I find myself laughing at most of his simple observations. This doesn't mean he doesn't hold his own when guests come on to the show and try to debate him on different subjects. Bill Maher really does seem to know his stuff and will defend his views with the best of them. He often does this while cracking a joke on the person he is debating.
At the end of every show he has a comic routine that is called "new rule", where he points to something he finds stupid and says there needs to be a new rule changing it. It is usually a funny event that recently happened in the news. The show likes to poke fun at modern life and doesn't take itself to seriously. It is a refreshing break from regular talk shows that focus on politics. Check it out if you want a good laugh.
Three Friends
There were three friends, a alcoholic, a chain smoker, and a homosexual. They went to the doctor and he said if they indulge in anymore of their activities they would surely die.
One night they were walking down the street and they came to a bar. The alcoholic smelled the liquor and couldnt resist buying a drink. As soon as he took a sip he dropped dead.
The other two saw this and ran out. While they were looking for a phone to call the police the chain smoker spotted a cigarette. The homosexual looked at him and said, "You know if you pick that up we both are goinp to die right?"
One night they were walking down the street and they came to a bar. The alcoholic smelled the liquor and couldnt resist buying a drink. As soon as he took a sip he dropped dead.
The other two saw this and ran out. While they were looking for a phone to call the police the chain smoker spotted a cigarette. The homosexual looked at him and said, "You know if you pick that up we both are goinp to die right?"
Stock trading
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They also provides stock trading platforms and flexible commission structures. They have been in business for over 20 years and have been named as a top online broker by many financial publications in recent years. To learn more about online trading, check out this website and see how they can help you.
They also provides stock trading platforms and flexible commission structures. They have been in business for over 20 years and have been named as a top online broker by many financial publications in recent years. To learn more about online trading, check out this website and see how they can help you.
Room Service
A man calls room service at his hotel. "I want a breakfast of two eggs burned black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee,watery orange juice and cold, hard, unbuttered toast", asks the man.
"Why the hell would you want a terrible breakfast like that?", asks the room service guy.
"I'm homesick", replies the man.
"Why the hell would you want a terrible breakfast like that?", asks the room service guy.
"I'm homesick", replies the man.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Time for a change
My hubby told me that our local cable company raised their rates again recently. We decided to get serious about changing over to what our friends and relatives are using. They are using Directv and paying much less each month than we are for our local cable company. We visited a website called localtv-satellite.com to find out answers to some of our questions.
Also, at the localtv-satelllite website we realized how much we have been overpaying for our current service. Changing to LocalTV-Satellite was a smart move for us because we are saving money and getting a much better overall value.
Also, at the localtv-satelllite website we realized how much we have been overpaying for our current service. Changing to LocalTV-Satellite was a smart move for us because we are saving money and getting a much better overall value.
A Week in Las Vegas
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light or hit me hard', and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there... every morning, I wake up with a sore dingy and a butt full of quarters!
The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light or hit me hard', and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there... every morning, I wake up with a sore dingy and a butt full of quarters!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thought of the Day
A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, ' God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
God led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but herethe people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill.
You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
God led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but herethe people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill.
You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Free math tutoring online
If your looking for Algebra 1 and Algebra 2 or any Math answers, then you should check out this website called tutornext.com. They have some great tools, including Online tutoring, Chemistry help, Statistics help and Free math tutoring online to make homework time more productive. They actually had hundreds of online tutors to assist you with any of your math questions.
Whether it is precalculus or even calculus you can find a Online math tutor to assist you in your needs. If you are looking online math help or even Free online math help I would recommend that you at least check out tutornext first and experience for yourself.
Whether it is precalculus or even calculus you can find a Online math tutor to assist you in your needs. If you are looking online math help or even Free online math help I would recommend that you at least check out tutornext first and experience for yourself.
Redneck Jury
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the red neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the red neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
Feeding the public
Guest post written by Marshal Gilbert
Managing a restaurant is a great way to interact with others. Better yet, it also means that I get to be around a lot of great food, but the people are OK too.
I dreamed or a career as a restaurateur for a long time and I was finally promoted to the position as manager of this great non-chain restaurant, which has been featured in some really positive food reviews since it opened its doors a few years ago.
I go around tables every night and ask people how their meal is, etc., and about a week ago I noticed that I was consistently having trouble hearing what customers are saying. But I tried to hide it. Luckily, they all seemed pretty satisfied so I didn’t need to do anything besides thank them for their patronage and move onto the next table or booth.
I wanted to nip the problem in the bud before it started affecting my work so I did some research on hearing aid types and which ones would suit me best. I bought some hearing aides, which I think have really come in handy at work.
I’m actually more attentive now and can address customers needs and complaints better, which really boils down to me doing my job better.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Myrtle Beach best hotels
Planning a trip this summer? Look no further, I found a great website that you should check out. This website is called http://www.horizonmyrtlebeach.com. As one of the premier oceanfront hotels in Myrtle Beach, they offer the perfect stay for every guest. Myrtle Beach hotel is one of the largest Myrtle Beach best hotels and offers a wide array of guest pleasing amenities.
Good thing I found this website because one of my friends are planning a trip. She’s been asking for my opinion on where to book a beach resort vacation. I can’t wait to tell my friend about this website and what it has to offer.
Good thing I found this website because one of my friends are planning a trip. She’s been asking for my opinion on where to book a beach resort vacation. I can’t wait to tell my friend about this website and what it has to offer.
Earning Power
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
Little Johnny says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon.and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
Little Johnny says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon.and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Myrtle Beach hotel
Before the summer ends, my hubby and I are planning to go to one of the resorts in Myrtle Beach. Since I don’t have any idea which Myrtle Beach hotel to go to, While I was browsing on the internet, I found this website called http://avistaresort.com. This website offers great value for your money.
They provide great customer service and awesome amenities. I can’t wait to tell my hubby about this website. So if you or someone you know is planning a trip to South Carolina, check out one of the resorts in Myrtle Beach and see if you like them as much as I do.
They provide great customer service and awesome amenities. I can’t wait to tell my hubby about this website. So if you or someone you know is planning a trip to South Carolina, check out one of the resorts in Myrtle Beach and see if you like them as much as I do.
Playing doctor
A doctor dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and checks him in. After he's registered, St. Peter says to him, "Look at the time: you must be hungry! Heaven Cafeteria is serving lunch, why don't you get yourself something to eat?"
The doctor goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a doctor" he says, "I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line."
The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!"
A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the doctor notices a man come dashing in wearing scrubs and a lab coat, stethoscope around his neck. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep. "Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?"
"Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He likes to play doctor."
The doctor goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a doctor" he says, "I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line."
The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!"
A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the doctor notices a man come dashing in wearing scrubs and a lab coat, stethoscope around his neck. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep. "Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?"
"Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He likes to play doctor."
Bathroom tiles
A friend of mine is planning to replace their old bathroom tiles with new bathroom tiles that will make it a lot better. She called and asked me what tiles is the best to use. Since I don’t have any idea, I looked on the internet and found this great website called glasstilestore.com. This website has a wide variety of subway tiles to choose from. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products.
Their selection of tiles includes glass tiles, metal tiles, marble mosaics, pearl shell tiles, roman shell tiles and a lot more to choose from. When I visited this website i realize anyone can find new and attractive looking bathroom tiles for their home.
Their selection of tiles includes glass tiles, metal tiles, marble mosaics, pearl shell tiles, roman shell tiles and a lot more to choose from. When I visited this website i realize anyone can find new and attractive looking bathroom tiles for their home.
Nun to worry about
Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn. She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f*** off our car!"
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn. She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f*** off our car!"
Monday, August 16, 2010
Wrong Tee Off
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"
Friday, August 13, 2010
Dedicated server
While I was browsing on the internet, I found this website called superb.net. They provide services of the best quality and the highest degree of professionalism. They strives to create the best managed hosting experience by offering customized, reliable and fully managed hosting solutions, colocation services and dedicated server installations. They will take care of your day-to-day tasks like patching, troubleshooting, monitoring, backups, and more.
Anyone needing similar information should visit this website to find what they need. Their top priority is to provide excellent quality, high up time and top-notch customer service to all customers. So, check this out and get the information you need quick and easy.
Anyone needing similar information should visit this website to find what they need. Their top priority is to provide excellent quality, high up time and top-notch customer service to all customers. So, check this out and get the information you need quick and easy.
Restaurant Incident
One day, at a New York Restaurant, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Great source for Gold
My hubby has been wanting to Buy gold online as a new investment for us. I told him about a website called goldline.com that is a great place for us to get started with our gold investment. This is where were able to get a lot of our questions answered.
My hubby thanked me for finding this website because it has everything he needs for his gold investment in one place. He told some of his friends about it since they showed an interest in gold and were equally as impressed as my husband.
My hubby thanked me for finding this website because it has everything he needs for his gold investment in one place. He told some of his friends about it since they showed an interest in gold and were equally as impressed as my husband.
Wailing Wall
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down to the wall, and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man replies, calmly: . . . "Like I'm talking to a wall."
She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man replies, calmly: . . . "Like I'm talking to a wall."
Lambo Doors
Are you or someone you know is looking to buy vertical doors? Then visit this website called carid.com. They offers many different product lines that are in high consumer demand for the automotive aftermarket industry. Carid is one of the biggest suppliers to the automotive industry for aftermarket accessories. They provides quality vertical door kits affordably to everyone in this special market today. They provide you with quality products at an affordable price. These doors also offer practicality in that they no longer open sideways so you can park your car closer to objects without the fear of dinging your door. All kits are vehicle-specific, have a factory fit, and installation is reversible. These doors open easily even when there is not much space available on the side of the car. Lambo doors or vertical doors give your car the ultra modern look. They provide the superior parts and accessories that you need to make your car look good and go fast. Finding the perfect auto accessory can be tricky, so carid, is pleased to offer the best selling, best performing car accessories online. They provide you with the lowest prices in the auto accessories industry and the quickest ship times.
Red Tomatoes
A beautiful blonde woman is having trouble growing tomatoes...
seems she can't get them to turn red.
She knows it is not the weather or the soil as the man next door
has a garden full of big red tomatoes.
She asks him about his secret..."twice a day" he says "I stand
naked in front of the tomatoes, they blush and turn bright red."
This sounds foolish, but what the heck, so she spends the next
few days standing nude in her garden.
A week goes by and she runs into her neighbor and he asks...
"have your tomatoes turned red?"
"Not really" she says..."but the strangest thing has happened...
the cucumbers have swollen up and are standing on end."
seems she can't get them to turn red.
She knows it is not the weather or the soil as the man next door
has a garden full of big red tomatoes.
She asks him about his secret..."twice a day" he says "I stand
naked in front of the tomatoes, they blush and turn bright red."
This sounds foolish, but what the heck, so she spends the next
few days standing nude in her garden.
A week goes by and she runs into her neighbor and he asks...
"have your tomatoes turned red?"
"Not really" she says..."but the strangest thing has happened...
the cucumbers have swollen up and are standing on end."
Shopping for School with my Kids is Easy
Shopping for School with my Kids is Easy
Thanks for the article from Glenda Hanson
I am fortunate that the school system where I live provides the parents with a convenient list of the materials each grade level needs for the new year. This makes shopping for my two children much easier than trying to guess the kinds of supplies they will need. Of course there are so many new styles available for items every year I usually let them pick out the notebooks with cover designs they want as well as binders and backpacks.
Before we head out to our local Walmart I make sure to set the home Security alarm to provide protection for our electronics. My children are older so they also use a computer for a lot of their homework. This means I also need to stock up on printer paper and ink cartridges for the coming school year. They also go through a lot of pens and pencils so even though I let them choose a few designer items such as the gel pens, I also stock up on basic ball points and number two pencils.
I like shopping for supplies when the items are on sale. This goes for the clothing they need as well. I do let them know they have a certain budget to stick to when choosing their clothing and shoes. So far they have made good choices and I never feel stressed out when shopping for back to school supplies.
Penny Pincher
An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within."
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount…"
"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within."
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount…"
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Math help
One of my friends daughter is having a problem with her fraction math. She said she needs some math help to solve her math problems. While I was browsing on the internet, I found this website called tutorvista.com. This website offers any math homework help such as calculus help, algebra help and more.
They provide great customer service and competitive prices. Their tutors are professional and well trained. I can't wait to tell my friend about this great website has to offer. So if you or someone you know is looking for math help, check out this website and see how they can help you.
They provide great customer service and competitive prices. Their tutors are professional and well trained. I can't wait to tell my friend about this great website has to offer. So if you or someone you know is looking for math help, check out this website and see how they can help you.
Fix It
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
D vault mailboxes
Are you or someone you know is looking to buy dvault mailbox? Then visit this website called dvaultmailboxes.com. This website has a wide variety of dvault mailboxes to choose from. Their extensive selection of dvault mailboxes includes column vaults, post mount vaults, wall mount vaults, posts and accessories. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products.
This dvault are a very handsome addition to your home’s appearance, and make a positive first impression at its entry. So if you or someone you know is planning to replace your mailbox, check out this place, dvault company and see their great selection to choose from.
This dvault are a very handsome addition to your home’s appearance, and make a positive first impression at its entry. So if you or someone you know is planning to replace your mailbox, check out this place, dvault company and see their great selection to choose from.
The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka; don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not "bet his ass."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit outta him.
When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We don't refer to the cross as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
There will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka; don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not "bet his ass."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit outta him.
When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We don't refer to the cross as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
There will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Great source for Multiple Sclerosis
Our family knows a lot about Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms because we have a family member that has been diagnosed with MS. The best source our family found to educate us about Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms, Diet & Exercise is a website called allaboutms.com. Compared to other places we looked, this was the most comprehensive and easy to understand source on this topic.
The Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms & Diet Guide was very helpful for our relative to make sure she was eating the best diet for her condition. We suggest to anyone we know that is looking for information about Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms & Exercise Guide to visit this website to get their questions answered.
The Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms & Diet Guide was very helpful for our relative to make sure she was eating the best diet for her condition. We suggest to anyone we know that is looking for information about Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms & Exercise Guide to visit this website to get their questions answered.
Do yo know me?
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Monday, August 9, 2010
DVD duplicators
Are you or someone you know is looking to buy DVD duplicators? Then visit this website called gotmedia.com. This website is focused on providing the highest quality duplication equipment and accessories along with superior customer service at low low prices. They provide a ultimate solution for customer dealing with CD / DVD duplication.
Whether you’re looking for a DVD-R media, CD-R media, CD DVD supplies, CD DVD duplicators, CD printers, flash memory, Duplication services and just to name a few, they have the products you need at the prices you want. To learn more about DVD duplication guide, check out this website and see how they can help you.
Whether you’re looking for a DVD-R media, CD-R media, CD DVD supplies, CD DVD duplicators, CD printers, flash memory, Duplication services and just to name a few, they have the products you need at the prices you want. To learn more about DVD duplication guide, check out this website and see how they can help you.
You Better Write It Down
This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors selling all types of snacks and food. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."
Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."
Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."
Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"
Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."
Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember."
Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.
The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?"
The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."
The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries!
Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."
Hubby says, "What do you mean - isn't everything in there?"
To which the wife replies, "No, it's not...look, you forgot the pickles!"
Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."
Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."
Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"
Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."
Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember."
Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.
The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?"
The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."
The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries!
Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."
Hubby says, "What do you mean - isn't everything in there?"
To which the wife replies, "No, it's not...look, you forgot the pickles!"
Protect your credit score
We are planning to buy a house in the near future and are working hard to raise our credit score to get the best mortgage terms we can. People with low credit scores either don’t qualify when they apply for credit or pay higher interest rates or other unfavorable terms as a penalty.
We visited a website called freescore.com to get a free credit score to see how our recent efforts to pay down our credit cards has affected our credit score. Keeping on top of our credit score will help us a lot when we apply for a mortgage loan or other credit requests in the future.
We visited a website called freescore.com to get a free credit score to see how our recent efforts to pay down our credit cards has affected our credit score. Keeping on top of our credit score will help us a lot when we apply for a mortgage loan or other credit requests in the future.
A STORY ABOUT EVERYBODY
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Time for a change
My hubby and I have have been on the local cable system for several years. When we first started, their rates were reasonable and competitive. But, the last couple of years their rates have gone up a lot and the service has not been as reliable. They blame the service outages upgrades they are doing to the local systems. But for us, it’s just inconvenient and frustrating. So, we agreed it was time for a change and decided to look into DIRECTV by DirectSatTV that some of our friends and relative have for their service. They all like the picture quality, reliability and especially their very competitive prices. The dtv transition was simple and we were very happy once we changed over our service. The one thing we agreed on was that we waited too long to change and wasted a lot of money unnecessarily.
We had some people over for a party and some of them still had cable and couldn’t believe what a great package we got for the price we are paying. We always ask anyone we know looking to save money whether they had switched over like we and many people we know have over the last couple of years. The savings really adds up over time for an expense we thought was something we couldn’t get at a lower price. To learn more about direct satellite tv offers, check out this place and see how they can help you.
We had some people over for a party and some of them still had cable and couldn’t believe what a great package we got for the price we are paying. We always ask anyone we know looking to save money whether they had switched over like we and many people we know have over the last couple of years. The savings really adds up over time for an expense we thought was something we couldn’t get at a lower price. To learn more about direct satellite tv offers, check out this place and see how they can help you.
Missing Bike
There were two ministers who met each Sunday morning riding to their particular church. They both enjoyed riding the bikes and talking. Then one Sunday one of the ministers was walking. "My what happened to your bike?"
"Can you believe that someone in my congregation stole it?"
"NO!," then an idea struck him, " You want to know how to get your bike back?"
"Yeah."
"Next Sunday give a fire and brimstone sermon on the Ten Commandments and when you get to the part about Thout shall not steal, just look out into the congregation and see who looks guilty."
Well the next Sunday the minister comes riding up on his bike.
"Hey I see my suggestion worked."
"Well sort of, I was going along real good on the Ten Commandments and when I got to the part about Adultery I remembered where I left the bike."
"Can you believe that someone in my congregation stole it?"
"NO!," then an idea struck him, " You want to know how to get your bike back?"
"Yeah."
"Next Sunday give a fire and brimstone sermon on the Ten Commandments and when you get to the part about Thout shall not steal, just look out into the congregation and see who looks guilty."
Well the next Sunday the minister comes riding up on his bike.
"Hey I see my suggestion worked."
"Well sort of, I was going along real good on the Ten Commandments and when I got to the part about Adultery I remembered where I left the bike."
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
LifeLock Reviews
A friend of mine was looking to buy a house and wasn’t able to qualify because they were victims of credit fraud. There were several creditors on their credit report that was totally inaccurate and shocking for them to see. This caused a long and costly effort to try and fix these inaccuracies that put their home purchase on hold indefinitely. On the lifelockreviews.net website, we read a LifeLock Review that explained how things worked. We also found LifeLock Partner promo Code and lifelock promotional code there too. There were several creditors on their credit report that was totally inaccurate and shocking for them to see. After they did time consuming investigative work on their own, they figured out that someone used their names and credit information to fraudulently apply for loans and order many items online. The best way we found to protect our personal information was to order their service. We got the best protection out there that is provided by LifeLock, who is a leader in credit fraud protection Anyone that wants the affordable and leading protector in the credit information industry should visit this website to see why this was the best option for us and millions of other people.
Heart Transplant
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?"
"I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy", said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
"I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy", said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sexy angel costumes
My hubby has been asking me to find sexy Halloween costumes to choose from to find something we both like. While I was browsing on the internet, I found this website called sexywearavenue.com. This website has a great selection of sexy costumes compared to other places I have seen on the internet or in my local retail stores. I told some of my friends about this website and they were really impressed with the selection and variety of styles they saw there. There are many styles to choose from, providing enjoyment for all interests, they even carry a line of sexy plus size costumes. Nothing makes fantasy role-playing more enjoyable than adding a sexy costume.
When I was looking at all the different styles, the style that I liked the best was the sexy angel costumes that I wanted to find when I first got the idea. There were some great options I liked and some I thought would look great on me. I will buy one that is good for the party and one costume that is for me and my hubby only. We had some fun talking about some of the outfits we saw that each of us could wear to a Halloween party that we go to every year that one of our friends has at her house. Whether you are looking for a way to make a memorable appearance at a Halloween costume party or just looking to spice things up with your significant other, sexy wear avenue, can add that certain element you are looking for. I want to do something fun and special this year for Halloween. So, I was doing some looking around on the internet and luckily I found this website. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy sexy angel costumes, check out this website and you'll be happy you did.
When I was looking at all the different styles, the style that I liked the best was the sexy angel costumes that I wanted to find when I first got the idea. There were some great options I liked and some I thought would look great on me. I will buy one that is good for the party and one costume that is for me and my hubby only. We had some fun talking about some of the outfits we saw that each of us could wear to a Halloween party that we go to every year that one of our friends has at her house. Whether you are looking for a way to make a memorable appearance at a Halloween costume party or just looking to spice things up with your significant other, sexy wear avenue, can add that certain element you are looking for. I want to do something fun and special this year for Halloween. So, I was doing some looking around on the internet and luckily I found this website. So if you or someone you know is looking to buy sexy angel costumes, check out this website and you'll be happy you did.
Playing doctor
A doctor dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and checks him in. After he's registered, St. Peter says to him, "Look at the time: you must be hungry! Heaven Cafeteria is serving lunch, why don't you get yourself something to eat?"
The doctor goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a doctor" he says, "I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line."
The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!"
A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the doctor notices a man come dashing in wearing scrubs and a lab coat, stethoscope around his neck. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep. "Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?"
"Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He likes to play doctor."
The doctor goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a doctor" he says, "I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line."
The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!"
A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the doctor notices a man come dashing in wearing scrubs and a lab coat, stethoscope around his neck. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep. "Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?"
"Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He likes to play doctor."
The Best Credit Repair Service
There are thousands of people every day that are able to get their credit reports corrected and then qualify for low interest loans to consolidate their debt to one monthly fee at a low fixed interest rate. At creditrepairinfo.com they make it their mission to assist their people in repairing those items that are affecting their credit reports. Anyone that is behind on paying their bills should consider credit repair in the future.
They have done the work for you in finding the fastest way to fix your credit score. One way that you can help your self is to make sure that your debts are paid on time. Using The Best Credit Repair Service can provide you with better solutions then you will find on your own. To learn more about credit repair, check out this website and see how they can help you.
They have done the work for you in finding the fastest way to fix your credit score. One way that you can help your self is to make sure that your debts are paid on time. Using The Best Credit Repair Service can provide you with better solutions then you will find on your own. To learn more about credit repair, check out this website and see how they can help you.
Losing Weight
A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. He's skeptical, but says to himself, "Let's see what they can do." He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, "I like the way this company does business." For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he lost 10 pounds.
Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds.
I love this company, he thinks to himself, "I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun." Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the company's 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. "Are you sure, sir?" Asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most vigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I love your program. Haven't felt this good in years!"
The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If I can catch you, I can have you."
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, "I like the way this company does business." For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he lost 10 pounds.
Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds.
I love this company, he thinks to himself, "I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun." Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the company's 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. "Are you sure, sir?" Asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most vigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I love your program. Haven't felt this good in years!"
The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If I can catch you, I can have you."
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